I, Icarus

There was a time when I could fly. I swear it.
Perhaps, If I think hard enough for a moment, I can even tell you the year.
My room was on the ground floor at the rear of the house.
My bed faced a window.
Night after night I lay on my bed and willed myself to fly.
It was hard work, I call tell you.
Sometimes I lay perfectly still for an hour before I felt
my body rising from the bed.
I rose slowly, slowly until I floated three or four feet
above the floor.
Then, with a kind of swimming motion, I propelled myself
toward the window.
Outside, I rose higher and higher, above the pasture fence,
above the clothesline, above the dark, haunted trees
beyond the pasture.
And, all the time, I heard the music of flutes.
It seemed the wind made this music.
And sometimes there were voices singing.

-Alden Nowlan

24.10.10

i am small
i am nothing
i am bland
and unpure
yet the beauty you placed in me
to my filth is like a cure
you died
i died
and all wrong in me was made right
how could i deny you?
especially tonight.
your love is like no other
your heart outbeats them all
no wonder in your presence
i feel desperately small.
but i'm safe
i'm ok
i am healing
i am home
for no matter who's attacking me
i'm not fighting this alone.

the blur strikes again.

i lied to you
you lied to me
it was sweet at the time
we thought we were free
but lies, they trap
they manipulate hearts
and now all you can see
are blurs racing past.

the things that you chose
to pick out of the blur
are the moonlit memories
a staircase, a murmur,
a promise quickly made,
and fast retracted, replaces
the lies once told
and that through the blur races

you struggle, you grasp
onto nothing, onto mist
onto feelings we forced
and nothing honest
it wasn't true, it wasn't right,
and now i try to move on
you put up a fight,
though your sword weighs a tonne.

there was hurt, there were tears
why won't you let go?
do you really truthfully want
so much sorrow?
why do you chose
to keep your heart broken
to keep dancing on shards
to keep emptily hoping?

this doesn't rest on me
or my heart or my actions
in this disposable world
i am merely a fraction
of creation, of life,
of the beauty placed here,
so pick up the pieces,
and the hurt and the fear

and surrender them to someone
who won't turn their back
who won't lie to you
and who will keep you on track
He made you, He loves you,
He bought you back home,
And with open arms waits,
A king on the throne,

can't you see that in pining,
you're still putting me first?
that it's dwelling on riches
placed right here, on earth,
ignore me, directly,
if that's what it takes,
just stop taking your eyes
off what's really at stake

Lose me, instead
Hold on to the right,
the one and the only
the saviour, the light,
the healer, the friend,
the brother and more,
for though he's closed this small window,
to you He's opened a door.

From Summer to Autumn (in a single falling)

It is sunny and cold
And the leaves have turned brown,
It's a shame that we walk
Around two seperate towns,

Your hand in mine
Would warm up my smile
But instead I sit, gaze
And dream a little while

And the little while takes flight,
Flies into hopeless hope
Of romance, of love
Of hearts being home.

Through the window the sun
Rests on my shoulder
It might have felt like your kiss
If I could just be bolder

And tell you I saw you
This morning, half sleepy
I know it wasn't real
But it got my heart leaping

And that elephant juice
Or shoes for that matter
Just covers the truth
Makes feelings flatter

And as much as it's hard
Us being apart from each other
It's worth the wait;
I remember our summer.

(with James in mind)

The Story of Wandering Aegnus by W.B.Yeats

I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;
And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire aflame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

Harboured.

Oh God,
Why is my heart,
Once a lively young thing,
Sullen for others;
Those I once may have danced with.

Anger,
It swells,
A flood, an ocean,
An expanse of emotion,
Once lapping at the feet,
Now a tidal wave engulfing what used to be
Patience.

He is trying,
And she echoes me,
Why can't he see?
These fakeries irritate
They build, and I let them
Till they topple and fall,
Pour out of the sky,
Into the rest.

This isn't like me,
Love.
Was never hard,
Was never far,
Was never something I had to dig deep for.

And then Him.
He doesn't know,
But He's learning.
Happiness and Peace,
A blessing without knowing.
How, amongst these clean Christian folk,
Can judgment burble
And frowns come my way.

I'm protective,
A little shipwreck,
Harboured.

03.10.10

It's fascinating how heavy the rain is today,
And yet the smallest spider's web,
Amidst the fierce drops,
Is not destroyed.
It gains, in fact, a beauty,
As the tiny threads become laced
With tiny beads it draws from the sheets.